This week has been one of emotional highs and lows. I haven't blogged in awhile because I haven't had many words, life was just steady. Now, I feel like if I don't let some of the words out, my head might pop off.
I remember when I was about 13 weeks pregnant with Ava and I woke up in the night with severe sharp pains on the right side of my abdomen. I was in tears and afraid for my baby. I called my mom and you can read her blog about it here( RobinZnest: Who Do You Want to Answer the 3 AM Phone Call? ). But the one thing I told her was "Mom, I don't want there to be anything wrong with the baby." Well we made a trip to the ER and after many tests and ultra sounds to check on the baby, they didn't really know what was wrong with me but most importantly, my baby was fine.
On Wednesday, I was in my classroom working with students on the 3rd day of the school year when the phone across the hall rang. I immediately worried some because I knew my phone didn't work so if there was an emergency for me, it would probably be that phone ringing. I was right. That teacher ran across the hall and told me there was a lady on the line and that it was an emergency. My heart stopped. I ran to the phone and said hello. It was my aunt, the one that takes care of my baby while I work. She told me that Ava had been throwing up and passing out and that the ambulance was on it's way. I hung up and called the office and not very calmly told them I had to leave. They quickly got someone to my room and I went running.
I held myself together okay while I was in the building but once I hit those doors, I fell apart. I called my husband and all he said was "I am on my way." So I called my mom thinking those same words I had thought just a couple of years before "I don't want anything to be wrong with my baby!" All I could get out was a sobbing "Mom!" Who knows what the poor lady thought as I tried to get myself together enough to explain that it was her favorite (and only) grand-girl. She just told me that she was on her way.
I somehow managed to beat the ambulance to my aunt's house, although I felt like I was driving in slow motion. It was like one of those nightmares you have where you just can't seem to move fast enough. I parked my car and ran into the house and found the most precious person in the world laying on the floor completely rigid and gray. I wanted to throw up. I managed to keep myself together because I knew that if she was aware of my presence, my hysteria wouldn't help her.
The whole time I wanted to pray. I wanted to pray these amazing words that would stir the heart of my God to action to intercede on the behalf my little girl. All I could manage was "Oh God!! Oh God!! Oh God!!" Over and over this repeated in my head and I was starting to panic that I couldn't say more but a still quiet voice spoke to me in the middle of my hysteria to remind me that the Holy Spirit is interceding on our behalf and that He was pleading my case to my God in words that I could not manage.
The paramedics came rushing in assessed her and told me that they could take us to the hospital, or I could take her to the hospital. In other words, she was going to the hospital. So I picked up my little gray angel baby and carried her to the ambulance and we went on a ride to the hospital. When we got there, my husband, dad, sister, and nephew were waiting for us at the ambulance drop off area. The paramedic was a bit surprised and asked if they were all here for Ava, yes they were, that's how we roll! We got Ava in and they took her temperature, it was 104.3. That is very high. The ER doctor diagnosed Ava with a Febrile Seizure. That is a seizure that is caused by a very high fever in children under the age of 6. After a few hours of being there, Ava was released with orders to take Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 and 6 hours.
We got home and she perked up. That night her fever spiked really high again around 3 am. I started to pray over her and stroke her little body. I found out the next morning that both my parents had woken up about that time and felt the need to pray for Ava. Thank you Lord! We made it through the rest of the night and managed to get her fever down some.
The next morning we went to her regular pediatrician so that Ava could have another exam and we could talk about what to do if this happens again. Her doctor wasn't really comfortable with the diagnosis for the same reasons we weren't. For one, Ava didn't have a fever before she had the seizure. She was completely fine before her seizure started. The second reason was that her seizure, which should have only lasted 1-2 minutes or 5 at the longest, lasted for about 30 minutes. She referred us to a pediatric neurologist just to make sure that Ava's seizure fell into the normal range of Febrile Seizures. I think I will be able to relax more once we have that appointment on Tuesday and they tell us everything is fine and it shouldn't happen again.
But then, God has a way of bringing your chin up when you feel like you are too tired to do so. My sweet sister, who thought she would be pregnant forever, had a beautiful little baby boy for us to love on. She had a much easier time this time, thank you Lord, and the baby did wonderfully! I have been snuggling him all weekend and I can't get enough of him. I spent all yesterday afternoon with him and then when I left to go to bed, I dreamt about him all night! Sweet baby Aiden is just perfect!
Isn't that just like God to give you a breath of fresh life just when you can't see past your own doom and gloom? Our family had a Thanksgiving dinner today for lunch. We just felt like we needed to stop and thank the One who hears our incoherent prayers in times of panic and blesses us beyond belief by giving us these little ones.
We are so blessed.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
This weekend I...
~Went camping and jet skiing with my family for the first time this year.
~Took Ava for her first ride on the jet ski. She loved it! She kept saying "More, ride, water!"
~Went to the fireworks in Cascade and FROZE!!!
~Had to console Ava all weekend because she did not like the fireworks a.k.a. pretties. She is still talking about them saying "Pretties no way! Pretties owie! Pretties no way mommy!" Poor thing :(
~Had a small bbq with my parents and a friend last night.
~Ate some of my mom's delicious blueberry pie, YUMMY!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
This weekend I...
~waited TWO hours to have my oil changed. Yes, two. No, not very happy about it.
~Had a picnic in the park and laughed as Ava fed the birds and then ran away from them.
~Went to the zoo with Ava Claire and Jayson and had such a blast!
~Went to my niece's one year birthday party.
~Had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.
~Ate my dad's delicious spaghetti and meatballs!!
~Snuggled my new baby cousin Kylar.
All in all I would say it was an amazing weekend!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Summer Lovin'
My husband has been gone for the week being a counselor at a church camp for high school kiddos. It has been a long week for the both of us. But hearing him talk about all the things going on there has brought back a lot of memories for me.
I remember going to that same camp and it was a spiritual experience for me, there is no doubt about it. However, I was always so interested in the boys! I know this will come as a shock for my mother and others that knew me growing up. I hope I haven't caused anyone to fall off their chair or anything. Anyway, I digress. I always wanted that storybook romance about how you met the most romantic guy who would sweep me off my feet by buying me an ice cold soda out of the vending machine and walk me to my cabin before lights out.
Funny how life, and age, have a way of changing things. Now as a grown-up, my perfect idea of a summer love is my sweet Ava Claire and my husband being home with me playing on the swing set and drinking "deuce" (juice) or "mocha" (milk) as the sun sets.
I did in fact find that perfect guy who loves to buy me soda and now our story has changed. I LOVE IT!! It is so much more than I could ever have imagined. Jayson and I are coming up on our 5 year wedding anniversary and I am completely blown away at the fact that it has been 5 years already! How blessed am I?
I remember going to that same camp and it was a spiritual experience for me, there is no doubt about it. However, I was always so interested in the boys! I know this will come as a shock for my mother and others that knew me growing up. I hope I haven't caused anyone to fall off their chair or anything. Anyway, I digress. I always wanted that storybook romance about how you met the most romantic guy who would sweep me off my feet by buying me an ice cold soda out of the vending machine and walk me to my cabin before lights out.
Funny how life, and age, have a way of changing things. Now as a grown-up, my perfect idea of a summer love is my sweet Ava Claire and my husband being home with me playing on the swing set and drinking "deuce" (juice) or "mocha" (milk) as the sun sets.
I did in fact find that perfect guy who loves to buy me soda and now our story has changed. I LOVE IT!! It is so much more than I could ever have imagined. Jayson and I are coming up on our 5 year wedding anniversary and I am completely blown away at the fact that it has been 5 years already! How blessed am I?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Losing Weight
In January I decided I needed to lose the rest of my marriage weight. Most women say it's baby weight but I have already lost that, now I needed to lose the weight I gained when I got married. Maybe it was the New Year's Resolution thing but I think it was something more. Mostly it was just that I was getting uncomfortable. I like to curl up wherever I am and I couldn't do that anymore and breath at the same time. So it was time to start dieting.
My ever-supportive husband encouraged me to get a membership at the gym. Before you make judgments and think my husband makes me feel fat, you need to realize anything I do or want to do, and I do mean ANYTHING, my husband finds a way for me to do it or buy it whatever the case may be. So anyway, he found a gym that offered what I was looking for and found a way in the budget for me to join. So I did. And I worked out 5-6 days a week for 40-60 minutes at a wack. One would think I would start dropping the poundage quickly, but one would be wrong. I didn't lose a stinkin' thing. So I started to diet too.
My friend is basically a nutritionist (I forget what her actual title is but it is along the same lines), so she got me started on the proper amount of calories and supported me all the way. One would think surely the poundage would start falling off with diet and exercise, but one would still be wrong. So after three months of this I decided to go to my doctor and get my thyroid checked out as a sluggish thyroid runs in the family.
She found that my levels were on the low side of normal but I was exhibiting all the signs of a sluggish thyroid so she started me on a very low dose of a thyroid medication. The first week, I lost FIVE POUNDS!! I was ecstatic!! But then I didn't lose anything else for the other three weeks. My doctor thought that was significant enough to keep me on it for another month.
I am now ending my second month and I have lost about ten pounds. I go in tomorrow for blood work to make sure that my thyroid is ok still with the medication, and I am unsure how to feel.
For one, I LOATH having my blood drawn. It is so bad that my husband has to leave work early to take me in, they have to lay me down because I usually almost pass out, then I have to work really hard at not vomiting everywhere. So if I have to continue the medication, I will have to continue to have my blood drawn. This is a big downer.
On the positive side, I am more comfortable. I am able to sit in my curled up positions and breath at the same time again and I like that. I am able to wear clothes that I haven't worn in awhile, and people are starting to notice and comment. I like all these things.
So I guess I will just wait to hear what the doctor says. I am blessed to have a doctor who is a Christian lady and is incredibly good at what she does. I have complete confidence in her and her ability. I like that too.
My ever-supportive husband encouraged me to get a membership at the gym. Before you make judgments and think my husband makes me feel fat, you need to realize anything I do or want to do, and I do mean ANYTHING, my husband finds a way for me to do it or buy it whatever the case may be. So anyway, he found a gym that offered what I was looking for and found a way in the budget for me to join. So I did. And I worked out 5-6 days a week for 40-60 minutes at a wack. One would think I would start dropping the poundage quickly, but one would be wrong. I didn't lose a stinkin' thing. So I started to diet too.
My friend is basically a nutritionist (I forget what her actual title is but it is along the same lines), so she got me started on the proper amount of calories and supported me all the way. One would think surely the poundage would start falling off with diet and exercise, but one would still be wrong. So after three months of this I decided to go to my doctor and get my thyroid checked out as a sluggish thyroid runs in the family.
She found that my levels were on the low side of normal but I was exhibiting all the signs of a sluggish thyroid so she started me on a very low dose of a thyroid medication. The first week, I lost FIVE POUNDS!! I was ecstatic!! But then I didn't lose anything else for the other three weeks. My doctor thought that was significant enough to keep me on it for another month.
I am now ending my second month and I have lost about ten pounds. I go in tomorrow for blood work to make sure that my thyroid is ok still with the medication, and I am unsure how to feel.
For one, I LOATH having my blood drawn. It is so bad that my husband has to leave work early to take me in, they have to lay me down because I usually almost pass out, then I have to work really hard at not vomiting everywhere. So if I have to continue the medication, I will have to continue to have my blood drawn. This is a big downer.
On the positive side, I am more comfortable. I am able to sit in my curled up positions and breath at the same time again and I like that. I am able to wear clothes that I haven't worn in awhile, and people are starting to notice and comment. I like all these things.
So I guess I will just wait to hear what the doctor says. I am blessed to have a doctor who is a Christian lady and is incredibly good at what she does. I have complete confidence in her and her ability. I like that too.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wahoo SPRING!!!
I love those Saturdays when you wake up to the birds singing outside your window, the sun is shining, and your little girl wakes up with a smile! Today was one of those days!! We woke up and had a lazy morning, went and picked up a breakfast burrito and then we got to work.
My first project was to weed the front flower beds. I figured this would only take me, oh...45 minutes tops. HA! 3 hours later the front flower beds were weeded, the bush trimmed, the grass dug out from around the tree and all the dirt was blown off the front porch and sidewalk. I didn't plant any flowers yet though. Partially because my mom warned that it might get cold again (BOO!!) and partially because I am fresh out of blow money!! Here is a picture of the finished product:
Then Ava and I went inside and ate some lunch and played a little bit. I love that girl. She melts me. When my dad showed up to help me with my next project, Ava sidetracked him and asked to "bock-a-bye" (rock-a-bye). When it comes to my Ava, my dad (and most everyone else) is a sucker. So dad spent some time bock-a-bying Miss Ava Claire and I worked on breaking up the dirt on this mess:
When we moved into this house, there was a huge pond. But with me being pregnant, which ends in a child :) we didn't want a pond for that child to fall into. So we got rid of it and filled it with some dirt. Two years later, it is still just dirt and weeds. So this year we are planting some grass and we are going to get that ugly spot looking gorgeous by this summer.
When Ava laid down for her afternoon nap my dad and I got to work. We were going to modify the deck that was here before we moved in. The owners before us enclosed the back patio to make it this nice little nook. The problem was that I couldn't see Ava while she played "shide" (outside). So we took it from nook to this:
The patio set was mine and Jayson's gift to each other for our birthdays (June 1&3) and mother's/father's day. We decided to get it now so that we could enjoy it longer. We are kind of known for doing gifts way before the the actual day they are supposed to be given. It drives my mom nuts :). But it's how we roll, it works for us.
My next project is this:
And finishing the dirt pile and staining the fence to match the patio. You probably noticed that the fence is ugly, you are right! Surprisingly, I am actually looking forward to it!! Maybe I am turning into my mom after all! I could think of worse things to happen ;).
My first project was to weed the front flower beds. I figured this would only take me, oh...45 minutes tops. HA! 3 hours later the front flower beds were weeded, the bush trimmed, the grass dug out from around the tree and all the dirt was blown off the front porch and sidewalk. I didn't plant any flowers yet though. Partially because my mom warned that it might get cold again (BOO!!) and partially because I am fresh out of blow money!! Here is a picture of the finished product:
Then Ava and I went inside and ate some lunch and played a little bit. I love that girl. She melts me. When my dad showed up to help me with my next project, Ava sidetracked him and asked to "bock-a-bye" (rock-a-bye). When it comes to my Ava, my dad (and most everyone else) is a sucker. So dad spent some time bock-a-bying Miss Ava Claire and I worked on breaking up the dirt on this mess:
When we moved into this house, there was a huge pond. But with me being pregnant, which ends in a child :) we didn't want a pond for that child to fall into. So we got rid of it and filled it with some dirt. Two years later, it is still just dirt and weeds. So this year we are planting some grass and we are going to get that ugly spot looking gorgeous by this summer.
When Ava laid down for her afternoon nap my dad and I got to work. We were going to modify the deck that was here before we moved in. The owners before us enclosed the back patio to make it this nice little nook. The problem was that I couldn't see Ava while she played "shide" (outside). So we took it from nook to this:
The patio set was mine and Jayson's gift to each other for our birthdays (June 1&3) and mother's/father's day. We decided to get it now so that we could enjoy it longer. We are kind of known for doing gifts way before the the actual day they are supposed to be given. It drives my mom nuts :). But it's how we roll, it works for us.
My next project is this:
And finishing the dirt pile and staining the fence to match the patio. You probably noticed that the fence is ugly, you are right! Surprisingly, I am actually looking forward to it!! Maybe I am turning into my mom after all! I could think of worse things to happen ;).
Monday, April 12, 2010
Reputations That Define
When I was in high school I was asked to the Winter Formal. We were going to go with a group of friends and have dinner and it was going to be fun! But then we realized that all the boys had a basketball game that day and would be done about 45 minutes before the Winter Formal dance would begin. So we girls rallied and decided to make the dinner ourselves. We would each make something to contribute and then meet at a friends house and get ready and wait for the boys with dinner already on the table. I volunteered to make desert. So I spent HOURS in the kitchen working on a Red Velvet Cake with homemade cream cheese frosting. It was BEAUTIFUL!! I was so proud of my work and couldn't wait to dig into it with my friends!
Well the game went later than we thought and so the boys showed up about 20 minutes before we had to leave so we scarfed down dinner and decided we didn't have time to eat dessert. I was somewhat disappointed after all my hard work but was excited to get going too so I took the cake home.
The next day we were having our new youth pastor and his wife over for dinner so we decided to eat the cake for dessert then. I was so proud of myself! My mom cut into that beautiful cake and put a piece on a plate for everyone. It was so pretty, a deep red with the creamy colored frosting as an accent. I took a huge bite and...YUCK!!!
I don't know what I did wrong but it was so horrible!! I was so embarrassed. My dad, bless that man's heart, ate TWO pieces to make me feel better. But in reality, I knew that it tasted like play dough with really good frosting.
Well that was over 8 years ago but it is a reputation that has defined my life, as far as my ability to bake anyway.
Until now!! I recently got inspired to bake a cake from scratch from a cook book I got from my wedding. It turned out pretty and yummy! I don't actually remember what it was called but it was a four layer white cake with homemade chocolate frosting!! Here are some pictures to prove it!!
The proof is in the cake!!
Well the game went later than we thought and so the boys showed up about 20 minutes before we had to leave so we scarfed down dinner and decided we didn't have time to eat dessert. I was somewhat disappointed after all my hard work but was excited to get going too so I took the cake home.
The next day we were having our new youth pastor and his wife over for dinner so we decided to eat the cake for dessert then. I was so proud of myself! My mom cut into that beautiful cake and put a piece on a plate for everyone. It was so pretty, a deep red with the creamy colored frosting as an accent. I took a huge bite and...YUCK!!!
I don't know what I did wrong but it was so horrible!! I was so embarrassed. My dad, bless that man's heart, ate TWO pieces to make me feel better. But in reality, I knew that it tasted like play dough with really good frosting.
Well that was over 8 years ago but it is a reputation that has defined my life, as far as my ability to bake anyway.
Until now!! I recently got inspired to bake a cake from scratch from a cook book I got from my wedding. It turned out pretty and yummy! I don't actually remember what it was called but it was a four layer white cake with homemade chocolate frosting!! Here are some pictures to prove it!!
The proof is in the cake!!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Ava used the potty!
So I just wanted to give a little shout out to my little girl for using the big girl potty for the first time!! I am so proud of her!! We have been talking about it and sitting on it for months now and this was the first time we actually accomplished something!! I think she is a little overwhelmed because Daddy and Mommy went a little nuts, but she knows it's a good thing! We are going to definitely continue working on it!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
5 Month Update
So, apparently my M.O. is that I only blog about every half a year. Kinda like my dentist appointments. So here is and update on my life.
I have been attending a bible study called "More Than Just a Good Bible Study Girl". And I guess I am not more than a good bible study girl because I haven't done a lick of homework. But I am getting things out of it. Like how God is training me where I am for what He wants me to do. I always lament to myself about my lack of a life or lack of a testimony. But Lysa talked about how God trained King David to be the king of His people while David was tending his sheep. God is training me right now where I am to do His work even if where I am right now seems somehow less than meaningful.
I have always related to King David. Not that I am like him by any means, but I WANT to be like him. I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I just struggle with the rhythm. I gave the example in bible study about how Jayson and I went salsa dancing. Jayson knew the right steps and the order of the steps but he couldn't get it with the rhythm. I feel like that with my relationship with God. I know what steps to take but I can't seem to get the rhythm in my life. I want my life to be a beautiful dance with God. Dipping and twirling in tandem and feeling like I know God well enough that I can feel that nudge on my hand to tell me to go left or right, forward or back, twirl under or over. Sometimes I feel that nudge on my hand, but mostly I don't. Mostly I feel like the girl at the prom without a dance partner, not because the King doesn't want to dance with me, but because I am too willful to follow His lead. How do I let Him lead when I don't feel His hand nudging mine in my life in those small moments? I don't want to make a fool of Him and fall flat on my face and make people wonder about those "Christians". I am a horrible follower when it comes to dancing and when it comes to life.
My goal with this bible study is to learn to dance with God. To let Him lead in our Tango and to let it go when I fall and make mistakes, because the other thing I have learned in this Bible study, is that God can use our mistakes too.
I have been attending a bible study called "More Than Just a Good Bible Study Girl". And I guess I am not more than a good bible study girl because I haven't done a lick of homework. But I am getting things out of it. Like how God is training me where I am for what He wants me to do. I always lament to myself about my lack of a life or lack of a testimony. But Lysa talked about how God trained King David to be the king of His people while David was tending his sheep. God is training me right now where I am to do His work even if where I am right now seems somehow less than meaningful.
I have always related to King David. Not that I am like him by any means, but I WANT to be like him. I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I just struggle with the rhythm. I gave the example in bible study about how Jayson and I went salsa dancing. Jayson knew the right steps and the order of the steps but he couldn't get it with the rhythm. I feel like that with my relationship with God. I know what steps to take but I can't seem to get the rhythm in my life. I want my life to be a beautiful dance with God. Dipping and twirling in tandem and feeling like I know God well enough that I can feel that nudge on my hand to tell me to go left or right, forward or back, twirl under or over. Sometimes I feel that nudge on my hand, but mostly I don't. Mostly I feel like the girl at the prom without a dance partner, not because the King doesn't want to dance with me, but because I am too willful to follow His lead. How do I let Him lead when I don't feel His hand nudging mine in my life in those small moments? I don't want to make a fool of Him and fall flat on my face and make people wonder about those "Christians". I am a horrible follower when it comes to dancing and when it comes to life.
My goal with this bible study is to learn to dance with God. To let Him lead in our Tango and to let it go when I fall and make mistakes, because the other thing I have learned in this Bible study, is that God can use our mistakes too.
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