Life Right Now

I have learned the meaning of living life day by day. This wasn't an easy lesson and I think that I would rather not have to learn this lesson. In a previous post i wrote about my husband's grandma and her failing battle with emphysema. Well, I am sad to report that the battle is not going well. After a five day visit to the hospital, we returned home with grandma literally. The family is now trading shifts and an agency has even been hired to help out with some of the nights as we have to be here for 24 hours a day. This would not be so hard if Grandma would even consider cooperating! The doctor said that she could have up to six months left if she chose to take her medications, go to bed at a decent hour, cut back on the cigarettes, wear her oxygen, and eat regularly. For some reason she is choosing not to do these things. I think that I would be okay with this if she accepted how sick she really is and was just ready to go and be with Jesus. But she insists that she is "just fine" and that she is in fact getting better every day. She consistently lies to us and her health care providers about us and her actions. I am worried that her doctors are going to begin to think that we are abusing her since everything the doctor disagrees with, somehow becomes our fault. I am really trying to treat her as I know that Jesus would, but I can't help but think that His heart would be breaking just as mine is. It is so hard to watch someone abuse themselves to the point of death. This is not going to be an easy death either. It will be slow and scary. The doctor told us to expect her to make all sorts of nasty noises as time goes on and her disease progresses. She has also gotten to be pretty mean. It is really hard to remain loving when someone is snapping your head off for something that she had asked for ten minutes before. Jesus is constantly reminding me that even though we are not saving her, we are caring for her in the same way He cares for us. He lets us make our decisions, right or wrong, good or bad, and then when we have nowhere else to turn to, He takes us back and loves us. I find myself being short with God about things that are not His fault and pushing him away, but then when I am too weak to get back on my feet, He helps be back up and loves me anyway. Please pray that this is the kind of love and care that I will show to Caroline. Because there is no one else that will really do this, the brunt of the burden falls to Linda (my mother-in-law) and I. It is not an easy burden to carry. It is a painful one. Please pray that God will grant us the same mercy that he shows us. Please pray that God will protect us from the feelings of depression and apathy. Please pray that we will be filled with the love and gentleness of our Savior. Please pray. I know that this post is sort of confusing as I rambled quite a bit, but the smoke drifting in from the other room seems to be clogging my brains:). Hey, if you can't laugh, you cry. I choose to laugh!

It's Beginning to Look alot like Christmas!!

I love Christmas. I love the excitement of the kids, I love the smells, and I love getting together with family. Sounds cheesy I know. What can I say, I am a cheese ball! I don't really like those though. Except once my grandma made one that was pretty good. But I digress...A new love that I have during the Christmas time is decorating my home! I live in a very old house and it has arched doorways and I love it! I will post pictures of some of my decorations.


This is the picture of Jayson proposing to me. We had the guests at our wedding sign it instead of a guest book. I love showcasing it!


This is one of the archways that I love. Obviously this is the red wall. I love the red wall:).


This is the other archway.


This is our tree. I love the ornaments because they were made by my mom...except the ones that were bought and given to my husband by his mom:). She is just like me it's great! I somehow missed the incredibly crafty gene my mom has.

Anyway, just thought I would share. I love this part of being married...Cooking on the other hand...not so good at that.

Something Beautiful

I was on my way to the school where I student teach at on Monday morning and I was listening to my radio. A song came on and I don't know what it was called or who it was sung by but it really struck me. Some of the lyrics were "a kiss where there's no shame," "a child on her wedding day," "and the daddy that gives her away, something beautiful." And I realized that it is so easy to be grumpy and out of sorts on Mondays. After all that is the day that is doomed from the start right? So then I began thinking of the the something beautiful's in my life.
1. I have a husband who, despite my quirky habits and annoying traits, loves me unconditionally and makes a point of showing and telling me every day.

2. I have a family filled with love! My parents have done everything in their power to love us and get us started on the right foot. They are such a great example of God's love in my life.

3. My sisters...I have realized that they are my closest friends and three of the most beautiful women that God has created. Their talents and personalities are all SO different but so amazingly wonderful. They are each an inspiration to me. Michelle is so strong. She could conquer anything. Tara is so inspiring to me because she is so brave. She just goes out and does what she wants. Move to Boston? No biggie, Tara does it! Jessie is so funny and so strong in her beliefs. There is not gray in Jessie's mind, everything falls into the black or white category.

4. All of my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents are also amazingly wonderful. Sometimes our family can feel overwhelming because of how many of us there are, but they are each so loving and caring.

5. My in-laws. Many people wouldn't put this on their list of Something Beautiful's, but my husband's family really is. They all take care of each other no matter the cost. Especially his grandma Caroline who is the matriarch of the family. She is one who is stubborn to a fault, but her generousity outweighs any other trait. She is in the last stages of her emphasema and this is something that has been dreadfully hard to watch. She most likely won't survive her next cold/flu. I love her and I pray over her that God will bless her last days and take her to be with Him as easily as possible when the time comes.

6. My puppies. This is also one of those things that most people wouldn't put on their list. But I feel that God made them for our enjoyment and I do enjoy them. They make me laugh when I am totally stressed out.

7. My church family. My church is the most fabulous church ever. They have never been anything more than welcoming, loving, accepting, and encouraging to me and my family. They are a blessing from God.

These are my Something Beautiful's. I will probably add more later as I think of them.

Las Vegas or BUST!

This time next week I will be sitting down in Vegas to watch the Blue Man Group. Followed by a series of unforgettable activites that can only be experienced in Vegas. I must say that I am so excited. This will be my first time in Vegas and I plan to experience it completely...minus a few things of course. I will be attending Phantom of the Opera on Tuesday night in the SECOND row!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand myself. I am going with my husband (this is my hubby stud in Mexico) and his parents on a buisness trip. The real reason we are going is to visit the SEMA convention. This is where all the new truck and car accessories are introduced to sellers. It covers over a mile on the strip in the Vegas Convention Center. My mother-in-law and I will be going to this one day with the guys but we will spend a couple of the days visiting all the outlet malls in Vegas. Can anyone say shoes?! I am so excited and ready to take a break from the frantic pace of school and trying to absorb all the information. I have a really crazy week ahead of me as a I finish all my homework and turn it in a week early so that I won't have anything to worry about on the trip. I really want to be able to relax and enjoy myself with my husband and his parents. We really do get along well and I am finding that I am thinking of them more as family now than I used to. I had a hard time with this when Jayson and I first got married. But on that note I am going to sign off, if you don't hear from me in the next two weeks, you now know why! Yay VEGAS!!!

Thanks to Halfmoon Girl

I found this over on Halfmoon Girl's blog and had to post it here. This was just too funny to keep quiet! Here ya go!

Kids are asked questions about marriage...and, OH! how they answered!!

How do you decide who to marry?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10

What is the right age to get married?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8 (that was one of my favorites!)

What do you think your Mom and Dad have in common?

"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8

What do most people do on a date?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9

When is it OK to kiss someone?

"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do". Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have s*x with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper changing." Kirsten, age 10

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7

How would you make a marriage work?

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

Time to post!

Well it has been a while since I have been able to do a post. School has picked up and I have been doing about 20 hours a week of homework on average. I guess that isn't too bad. Life has been good around here, it keeps on changing and sometimes those changes are scary but for the most part they have been good! For example, we are thinking about selling our house to buy one that isn't finished yet so that we can finish it ourselves. This really excites me! I think we can buy the house fairly cheep and finish it with the colors and styles that fit Jayson and I best. If we buy this house there will be room to grow, I like this idea. The house that we are in now is about as big as a closet, about 730 square feet. This is a tiny house but we bought it when we were 19 and had no credit at all so I am proud of it. If we buy this other house we will more than double our space as it is about 1500 square feet. It has three bedrooms and two baths and a HUGE utility room! I never thought I would be excited about that...wow, that would be an example of how life changes:). I am turning into my mother:). It is actually right across the street from the house that we live in now. I love the location of our house. It is so central to everything that we need and it is really close to my sister and brother in law, since I share a yard with them now:).

Christmas is almost here...75 days to be exact. This makes me happy. I love Christmas. I love the colors and the smells and the family and the happiness. I love the candel light service we do at midnight at our church. This really helps me to focus and remember what life is about and what Christmas is about.

Well I have to get back to homework, I hope this post meets you all well!

HOLY COW!

Today has been so stressful! Between school and trying to figure out how to live on one income, I feel like I am at my wits end. My professor's informed all of us senior elementary ed. majors that we aren't allowed to work during our student teaching year. This has been one of those painful experiences that makes me lean on God. As I sat in chapel I let the words of the worship songs flow over me. One of these songs proclaimed: I called out, and you answered! You came to me rescue and I wanna be where you are! Those words are so powerful and I am trying to absorb the true meaning of them. I have realized that I do want to be where God is. And he does answer when I call and He rescues me! Our financial struggles are still before us but I have faith that God will provide even if I can't see the answer ahead of me. Just a thought to remember for the day I guess.

The Power of Perspective

Today I was visiting my husband at work. He works at a truck accessory shop. While I was here there was a father here with his three young children. The situation quickly got to the point of explosive with the oldest daughter yelling and the young father not doing much about it. My husband sat there and quietly exchanged those knowing glances that clearly stated "our children will never behave that way!" Throughout the course of it I kept thinking that the dad just needed to take a firm hand with this out of control child. While listening to the child scream at her father about how she just wanted her mother her father simply stated "I am sorry but she is the one that left and I am the one that stayed so I am all you have." My heart broke and I immediately asked God for forgivness. How heartbreaking for the both of them. Please pray for this family that we will never know but whose lives will certainly be difficult.

High School Girls Small Group

I have taken over the high school girls small group with our Wednesday night program. At first I volunteered for it because I felt God leading me to it. I didn't want to but I felt a peace about it as soon as I submitted. Wednesday night came and I was not really nervous but I didn't have a good attitude. I prayed that God would sooth my mind and spirit and guide me through this evening. As the girls came in and sat on the various couches I felt led to have everyone to sit on the floor. This wasn't something major but I felt that since the topic was servanthood and humility it would help to foster this if we were all on the same level and were able to see each other and hear each other easily. Things started off awkward. No one really knew each other or really cared to get to know each other. By the end of the night these girls had dug deeply into the topic and really applied the topic to the different areas of their life. By the end I felt like I had learned from them more than they had learned from me. How amazing God is to take such a frightening situation and turn it into a learning experience. I have realized that it was very arrogant of me to feel that I could bestow any wisdom on these girls. God was in charge all along and I praise Him for that! I am looking forward to next week and getting to know these girls a little more and to find out a little more about God and hopefully get to tell Him a little more about me. This is one thing that I have challenged myself to doing. My cousin pointed out to me that even though God already knows us, He wants us to tell Him about ourselves and in so doing, we learn more about Him. I am excited to see what more I find out about myself and the Lord as the days go on!

My First Blog Ever

Well, my mom started blogging awhile ago and I was unsure about it. After reading her blogs I felt drawn to do likewise. You see my mom is the woman I strive to become. She is a pastor's wife and makes it look like something I would enjoy being. Since I now am technically a pastor's wife, I am trying to frantically absorb all I can so that I will be able to support my husband's ministry with teens. I always swore I would never marry a youth pastor, or a pastor of any kind. Not that I dislike the church, I love the church, I have just always thought that they deserve a better leader. My mom always said I would marry a youth pastor and I thought I had won that argument when I married Jayson, a business major. God must have giggled a little when He called Jayson into ministry a year into our marriage. Although I am not yet at peace with this, I am content to continue with my journey with God to help me to become the help mate that my husband needs so that he is as effective of a pastor as my dad has been. I have found that although life sitll has it's ups and downs, it is much more enjoyable with God in the pilot seat. I also feel that through this journey I might be able to become more like my mother, but more importantly I will become more like my Father. Grace is not something that has come naturally to me but something I have strived for all my life. As I have embarked on this journey I will always remember that "God's grace is sufficient" and that is my hope as I endeavor to live by grace.